Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

Seriously, I’d be happier if that nun had a face.

There’s this one church we go to when we really, really REALLY can’t get out of bed, but don’t want to go to 4pm mass because, like, that’s in the middle of a NASCAR race (sewiously–road race.  Wreckage in the first lap).  I think it’s pretty zippy looking.  Very traditional sort of Gothic church in some ways, not in others.  There are so few modern churches that actually “work” for me.  Usually they look like acid trips or like those people at General Steel constructed the thing over the weekend (four white walls, white cealing, brown carpet–a shoe box with a tabrinacle. Ugly churches… you know who you are).  This church was built (or completely redone) in the 50’s.  Gothic architecture made with a light golden sand stone–makes the place a little less spooky on the inside.  The stone carved Stations are a little 50’s esque, but I’ll get over it.  There’re some lovely side chapels, some weird little side altars that’re a bit hidden, and pillars.  Everybody loves pillars.

BUT, there’s this one little thing.  It looks like one of the frescos of some nun (saint I’m assuming) had some water damage, as it’s washed out in some places and completely white in others.  Now, they renovated this church recently.  Replaced the floors and the pews.  Ya think they could have fixed that one little… flaw.  Because it’s creepy.  The nun has no face.  Store maniquins without faces creep me out, this is just EEUG!! ya know??

Ok, maybe you don’t.


June 27, 2006 Posted by | Religion | Leave a comment

Fr John Vojtek, harbinger of DOOM!

Fr. John was the pastor at All Saints during the 2004 flood that destroyed many of the houses around the parish not to mention the insane amount of damage it did all around the county. The school attatched to the parish was forced to close and the church itself required six months of rennovation to be repaired and mass was said for all that time in the activities buildig.

By that point, Fr. John had been at All Saints for eleven or tweleve years. He got everything squared away with the insurance companies and everything from the festival was rebuilt for the summer. Around Christmas we heard that he was moving to another parish after Penticost. So, we were all sniffly and stuff, but he'd been at All Saints longer than most priests in this diocese get to stick around a parish.

So, penticost was the 10th, Fr. John was at the new parish by Tuesday, I think. And Thursday morning the church burnt to the ground. And I don't mean a fire like All Saints had flood damage, y'know, tear out some walls and plaster, redo all the carpets and pews and wiring and stuff. I mean not a brick standing on top of another brick.

He should totally get an award or something. Most Likely To Attract a Natural Disaster.

**ps, for the sake of clarification–I [HEART] Fr. John.  Totally miss him.** 

June 21, 2006 Posted by | Religion, Thoughts | 4 Comments

Subversion is cool.

Naughty,naughty Opus Dei.

Seriously…  I didn't see The DaVinci Code.  I didn't read the book.  Nor do I want to.  Major reasons:

1) Saying I HAVE to see it or HAVE to read it is a major turn-off.  Similarly saying something's an "important" film (like Brokeback Mountain) is an equally effective way to get me to stop  giving a damn.  It's not an IMPORTANT film.  It's not a "must-see." It's a freaking movie.  Movies are unimportant.  They're entertainment.  They're nice for cultural reference, but other than that, they're a diversion that we've glorified to  a point where they believe they have actual relevence and power.  I give The DaVinci Code the same weight of importance as pulling the weeds between the rocks in the back yard.  It's nice, but the world'll keep on turning if I don't get to it. 

2) I'm not opposed, persay, to films that "make you think," even though that runs counter to the whole "entertainment" aspect of film for me.  It's just… well, I do enough thinking.  I think all day at work, then I think all night when I'm trying to do the whole school thing and homework and such.  I've got my hands full of thinking.  I need brain candy.  I want ponys that fly over the rainbow and have pretty pink tails and are magically delicious.  

3) I'm not opposed to getting into cconversaions or situations that "make you question" your beliefs.  I happen to be pretty darned secure in mine, secure enough to let others have their doubts and secure enough to have my own questions.  Nobody likes sheep. Especially since sheep run around with bits of poop clinging to their wool all the time.  That's just unattractive.  However, see number two.  Need brain candy. I'd like to avoid thinking of questions, much less answers, if at all possible.

4) I'm not opposed to other people questioning the order of things.  You can question the bible, the existance of Christ, the existance of God, creationism, evolution, global warming, why Carrot Top is suddenly very buff… that's cool.  But because of #2, I just kind of don't want to be standing near you when you do it.  It might make me think of an answer. You know? And that'd make my eyes bleed and my brains run out my ears right now.  

There's another reason that I'll get into when I get home. Mostly I just wanna go home now.  

June 2, 2006 Posted by | Religion, Unwashed Masses | 1 Comment

Through and Through.

Jimmy Aiken over at (clever site name, I know) is hosing a “Literary Club,” over at his site right now. The current story being discussed is “Through and Through,” which is a ghost story that takes place entirely in a confessional. It had my widdle heart a-pattering. It wasn’t scary, so much as ‘on the edge of the seat.’ Go on and give it a read, then join the discussion. Book clubs am awful. Bizzaro hates them with none of his heart.

May 12, 2006 Posted by | Religion, Thoughts, Wordy | Leave a comment


April 26, 2006 Posted by | Ninjas, Religion | 1 Comment

Leaving in silence inplies that your yapper aint flappin’

There’re a whopping like TWO days a year when we’re asking to leave the church in silence. Every year the volume level increases. When I was a kid, it was people putting the kneelers up loudly, and a few old ladies gabbing in the back of the church. Now it’s like a full-blown free-for-all. Last night this guy was talking SO LOUDLY in the vestibule that I could hear every word he was saying from the choir loft, plus the usual chatty cathies gabbing about what they did today, bla bla bla.

It’s like geeze. Two days a year and you can’t handle waiting until you get outside the church doors to socialize. There’re people trying to spend some quiet time with God, and you’re distracting them, first of all. Plus you’re killing the atmosphere with your incessant need to gab about what happened at dinner last night (which no one cares about, by the way). Dude, what’s so hard about leaving the church quietly? I mean, it’s not rocket science. It’s shutting your yapper until you’re past the threshold of the church. And it’s spring. It’s not like I’m asking you to go outside in the snow and talk for 20 minutes about what little Billy did that was so funny this morning.

Am I asking too much out of the world?

April 15, 2006 Posted by | Angst, Religion, Unwashed Masses | Leave a comment


I was listening to the lecture for one of my classes and the teacher mentioned that all religious art from the middle ages looks the same because it's a form of authority control.  All the icons of St. George with the dragon or St. Ann with the child Mary MUST look identical because it's the only way to have a "controlled" (read common) vocabulary in a mostly illiterate world.  Man, people couldn't organize a library to save their lives in the middle ages,  dang, we were still trying to classify and bring order to the world.  

If television is my anti-drug, then I must say,  indexing and abstracting is my crack.  This whole library science thing is breaking my nerd, i'm nerding so hard sometimes.  

April 13, 2006 Posted by | Ninjas, Random & Miscellany, Religion, School | Leave a comment


Yes, indeed. It would appear that the condition for the possibility exists that a show may air on television that isn’t blatently biased against/does the back handed complement/open-handed slight towards Catholicism. Yeah, I know. Crazy. Anyways… I might set the TiVo up to record “God or The Girl,” which is set to air on A&E starting on Easter day.

The thing actually got good reviews from Catholics whos opinions I actually trust…which kind of freaks me out. I’m always warry of the media’s portrayal of ANYTHING, including little old southern ladies who do cooking shows and the magical healing properties of butter. Which is why I’m thinking that either they kidnapped these people and brainwashed them, before releasing them back into the world to write enthusiastic reviews, or they showed them one edited version and will actually air another.

Oh well. All things ARE possible, I guess.

April 11, 2006 Posted by | Religion, Social and Politics, TV/Movies/Books | 1 Comment

The Naked Tactic

I knew exactly who they were when I saw them.  First of all, they were out in a pack.  Second of all, they were dressed up in sunday's best and ethnically didn't fit into my particular block.  And one of them actually stopped at the stop sign on our street… and waved me on, even though he was there first.  Either the Apocalyps was upon us, or the door-to-door preachers were invading. 

The only question that I had in my mind was whether they were Jehovahs Wittnesses (See previous post about bible bursting into flames. That was awesome), or if they were some other small sect that had just come into the area, namely the guys who stand on street corners or on the subways in Chicago and either read scripture really loudly, or  just "yell out the good news," emphasys on the yelling.  I knew they wern't Mormon because they didn't have name tags.  And because as far as I knew (in my limited experience) the Church of Latter-Day Saints has about as much cultural diversity as Nextel Cup racing. What I'm saying is that, with the exception of Glenn Beck (a convert, I might add) the men're all blanch white with receeding hair lines and round heads. 

Mormons around here arn't pushy.  Not so much luck with other sects in this area, and JW in general.  Its like they go to "getting the foot in the door" bootcamp with Kerby vacuum cleaner sales men. In the half-a-block I had to take this all in, I made the compromise solution between parking in my driveway and driving on by, not even going into my house.  Mostly it was my intense desire to uh, liquidate some assets, as it were, that made going home an actual necessity.  So I did my thing, jumped in the shower, and as I'm wandering around looking for a bra, the doorbell rings.  

First thought was to ignore it.  I mean, I was nekkid.  That's legitimate.  But what if it was something that really needed taken care of? My dad is moving out this weekend, and mom might need a break.  Of course, mom likes to just waltz right in, and doesn't use the doorbell unless the door is locked.  I didn't remember locking it when I came in.  Well, I forgot to tell Discovery Channel Book Club not to send me books, maybe the post man was dropping them off.  Maybe some dude just hit my car.  I dunno.  

So I take my sweet old time finding a robe.  I go down stairs, sans belt for robe, and open the door.  I'm holding shut my robe and they give me the "from the local Kingdom Hall" spiel, which I know is JW because my mom got involved with those folks when I was in grade school.  They're like lice.  Once you get them "stuck" on you, they're hell to get off. Anyways, dude wants to know if I believe the bible is relevent in todays world.  

I tell it like it is.  Yes, I believe the Word of God is relevent in todays world.  However, I am happily Catholic, and I thank them for their time.  

He says how they just want to "talk about the bible."  Meaning invade your house like a Kirby salesman (dont even get me started on those guys) or get your contact info and bug you over phone, USPS and showing up at your door at random times.  I don't need any MORE stalkers. Really.

I gesture to the robe.  "I'm obviously not in a position at the moment, but I do thank you for your time. Have a good day." Close door, go back upstairs. 

There's not much they can say to a naked woman in the doorway.  Otherwise they'll find some way to worm their way in.  You have to leave? Oh,  well, when can we come back?  You have something to do.  Can we help?  You're just not interested?  If we can have just a few minutes of your time…

yes, I know I'm too nice.  Ok, I think they're crackpots, but I dont want to be rude.  Not just because I'm italian and that's tantamount to showing up at a wedding without both a gift and a card.  Instant excommunication, do not pass go, do not collect $200.  But… Ok, I'm too nice.  Just because you're a crackpot doesn't mean you deserve a bad day.  So me pretending like I'm not home when they KNOW I'm home is just not nice.  And I know they get doors slammed in their face and people are rude and abusive when they DO talk to them. 

I don't know… maybe I look at it as, to a degree, reverse-evangelization.  Like… look.  Us catholics may be heathen idol/mary-worshipers whos only chance of redemption is to convert to their faith immediately… and I may believe whole-heartedly that I'm right and they're wrong, but I'm not a mean and nasty religious zelot.  Obviously their tactic of going door-to-door and forcing a conversation (read: confrontation) doesn't sit well with me, but I don't need to use similarly abrasive tactics.  Ok, so I didn't convert them, or even give them much to think about, but at least I am not giving them ammo.  They can't say… SEEEEE?? Whenever you're a mary-worshiping heathen, that's how you behave!  Salvation is only sought through the Kingdom Hall!  

Of course, they still might do it.  But I'm not helping.  

The moral of the story… if you see people going door to door with vacuum cleaners or bibles, get naked fast. 

April 1, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird, Religion | 2 Comments

Hmm… interesting.

You know the tale… Katie Holmes was a good little Catholic girl who preached about how she was going to save herself for marriage, Tom was also baptized catholic and actually studied in a seminary (I think it was just a high school seminary, I could be wrong)… Now he’s NUTS and his head spins around and he spits pea soup and nails while his eyes glow red… (actually he just acts like a total freak-tard, but close enough) because he’s all “into” Scientology (friiiightening people, lemme tell you, and I’m related to my family, so I know scarry). So now Katie’s mom and dad are desperate for their soon-to-be-born (without the aid of drugs or primal screaming, I might add; what the hell is the point of progress?) grandchild to be baptized in the Catholic church, because THEY see it as important.

Here’s one Canon Lawyer’s thoughts on the matter.

I’ve totally found a new career for my friend Charlene who’s been burnt out doing a custody case because it lasted forever and a week in court because both parties need be smacked. Repeatedly. It’s LIKE law, but without stupid criminal clients who don’t understand a deal when they see one and the stupid family clients who are so self-absorbed that their kids would actually be better off being raised by the television than said actual parents. Nosiree Bob. No child endangerment here, and all the posturing, arguing and over-thinking you can handle!! She’s catholic and she lives in the south, and she’s STILL catholic. And she goes to a church with a Latin mass. She’ll totally do fine.

Btw, this dude suffers from a terminally cool blog 🙂 Thanks to Mr Akin for the reference.

Speaking of Mr Akin, and keeping up with my Ninjas For Christ theme of this post (did you know they had themes? Did you know that sometimes I can string entire coherant phrases together together into coherant sentences and paragraphs that all like, pertain to each other and stuff)…here’s a great link to a story about bibles bursting into flames. Just cuz that’s always funny. Well, I guess it’s funny unless it happens to you.

Hadta reformat ye olde iPod like twice in two days. Was putting stuff back on and the dang thingy needed rebooted too, which is a pain cuz won’t… wait a second. I was keeping on point. iPod… Yes. I recall… Cardinal Arinze, a fave Cardinal of mine (they’re my homies, yo), and who I was kind of pulling for (and betting on) to be the next pope now has a podcast. Sweetness. Maybe if my iBook, recently rescued from a harddisk crash and is now suffering from a deceased dvdrom drive will consistantly recognise my iPod, I’ll be able to download.

So, anyways, that’s the wrap-up. All the cool Catholic stuff thats fit to blog. That’s me. Yessiree Bob. I’m the poster with the most-er catholic links. Or something.

I’m gunna go home and make cookies. Chocolate ones. With powdered sugar on top. And you can’t have any.

March 31, 2006 Posted by | Glitterati, Religion | 1 Comment