Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

Turning Right

It’s nice to see Tony Stewart on his best behavior today.  He’s been such an insufferable brat.  Basicall, his actions are saying that if you don’t give Whiny Crybaby (and Fatty McFatfat) Tony Stewart his way, he’s going to take you out of the race.  That seems SO self-centered.  And whether he is or not, that’s how he comes off when he talks about how everybody needs to be safe, then runs people off the road.  Or how rookies need to show more respect (subtext: to HIM)… then runs people off the road whom he doesn’t feel are giving him proper ‘spect.

The springs flying across the field was kind of interesting to watch, but I was bummed that Boris Said’s day was over.  He’s probably my new favorite driver.  He’s got crazy-mad hair, keeps his kid hanging around the shop, and he’s doing things his own way with owning his own car and having such a tiny company. I like that whole individualism thing.  And the crazy-mad hair.

Had to go out and buy vinigar so I can wash the shower curtain (white vinigar cuts thru soap scum like you wouldn’t believe)… took FOREVER at walmart in line.  Ended up not coming home till like the fourth lap.  Sadler was wiping out right as I walked in.  I figured it’d be one of those days soon as I saw that.

Oh well.  Mark Martin (whom I also like) is having a good day, so I guess that’s something.  And Fatty McFatfat is behaving himself. I guess that’s something.

Anyways… I’m still a little sleep deprived.  Yesterday, working on one hour of sleep, I declared to James in the grocery store that I’m 99% cheese.  The remaining 1% is plastic. This lady was looking at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care lol.  So anyways.  Today’s revelation was that it’d be cool one day if they just showed up at the race track, and NASCAR just declared that everybody’d be turning right today.

I mean, they can make up goofy rules like impound races and restrictor plates and all that.  I’m sure they can spontaniously decide we’re all turning right today.  I just wanna see the chaos that unfolds.  I like chaos.  Controlled chaos in small environments.  A stadium that seats 100,000 would be small enough.

So, yeah. Nap.


August 6, 2006 Posted by | NASCAR | Leave a comment

To the BLS… Dale would do better with shaken baby syndrome.

Or at least it feels like that. I never really cared one way or another for Dale Jr. until recently. It seems like the worse he does, the more I care about him winning. I feel, like, personally bad when… say… his engine blows up at the end of a race. I get sad when he DNF’s over something that aint his driving. But sometimes I want to shake the crap out of him, and say GET WITH IT, DUDE! Ok, maybe I want to really throttle his car or something. Like, what the hell? Why can’t he just get his act together? He looked like he was doing better this year. If I’m busy worrying about him making the chase, then how can I engage in the important business of hating on Fatty McFatfat and Kurt Busch?

PS… isn’t it weird that Jimmie Johnson wins every time his crew chief gets suspended for cheating?? OK, granted he’s only 2/2 in the cheating/winning department. But think of all the races he DOESNT win… but he manages to win the ones he does, and of the ones he does, two of them are “cheater” races? Hmm.

May 2, 2006 Posted by | NASCAR | Leave a comment

Little Debbie is SO legal.

Little Debbie is 21!!!  That's so hot!!
On a similar note, what was with all the butt bumping and grinding during the race today? I mean, spinning people out just isn't polite. But it was like Brokeback Mountain, but with race cars today. If there were actual chicks in NASCAR, that much bumping and grinding would be pornographic.   

It's not that NASCAR is like.. a white protestant male sport, but well…


Of course, that right there could explain the bumpin' uglies that was going on out there today.   

March 26, 2006 Posted by | NASCAR | Leave a comment

Moo haha.

I didn’t get my crack fix last weekend because the stupid race got delayed until Monday morning when I was sleeeeeping (of course, it wouldn’t have been on anyways, Fox has important daytime tv to show–judge judy waits for noone).  So I found a whole clump of NASCAR stuff in some lost and forgotten On Demand director.  Guess what I’m doing till it’s time to go get James?  Why yes, bitches.  I am watchin’ me the racing documentaries.

March 25, 2006 Posted by | NASCAR | Leave a comment

ACLU Seeks Apology From NASCAR, Daytona 500 Winner

AP (Florida) In a press conference today, a spokesperson for the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) asked for an apology both from NASCAR and race car driver Jimmie Johnson. After winning the prestigious Daytona 500 race, Jimmie Johnson declared from the winners’ podium that “this is for all the hater.”

ACLU representatives maintain that the use of the term “haters” is a serious abuse of the urban vocabulary and is “found to be particularly insulting coming from a southern white male involved in a sport enjoyed primarily by rednecks and Caucasian minivan-driving suburbanites.”

NASCAR executives released a statement early Tuesday night, declaring that at the time of Jimmie Johnson’s podium announcement, the term “hater” was not under copyright. NASCAR has since begun work to secure the rights to the term, thus eliminating any future problems that may arise by the use of the term “hater.”

Representatives for Mr. Johnson and Lowes Racing have stated that they were unaware of any efforts to copyright the term by NASCAR, Inc. In a separate statement issued early Wednesday morning, Mr. Johnson regretted any confusion or inconvenience the use of a word thought to be “an obvious urban expression,” but states that “people who pee off their front porch have just as much right to any word listed in the New Oxford English Dictionary as anybody else, including people who deal drugs from theirs. ‘Course, it’ll be moot if NASCAR owns the word, then, now won’t it?”

Attempts to contact the ACLU for a reaction to these comments have been, at the time of this printing, unsuccessful.

February 22, 2006 Posted by | NASCAR | 2 Comments

Tony Stewart, are you on drugs?

I just watched Tony Stewart screw a driver for the fifth or sixth time today. This is the first race of the season, and he won the cup last year, and now he just looks like shit. The nice thing about NASCAR is that it’s much more gentlemanly than other sports. Nothing like basketball players running into the stands to beat on people. If you even swear on the radio you get penalied. No one rushing the mound, no one cracking anyone else over the hands intentionally with a hockey stick. Some folks ding each other and act stupid, they get in trouble. And so far Tony’s gotten his knuckles rapped a few times. Unfortunately everyone who retaliates gets thunked on the head with the ruler. Like, da hell, man? Tony was an ass in 2003 to everyone when he won, and last year he really did seem to be better. Now he’s back to assitude. Dude, if you’re a bad monkey, apologize. Say he’s sorry, it was my fault, bla bla bla.

Ook, the race is over… Tony Stewart is back to being an ass in my book. The whole ‘he started it, but I finished it” with the arrogent little smirk. Oh shut up. I was almost ready to stop hating him, because really he IS a good driver. But really. We can all do without the attitude and the “dick” element. Geeze.

February 19, 2006 Posted by | NASCAR | 2 Comments

NASCAR Sunday Sunday Sunday!

I have a feeling I’m going to fall asleep five minutes after Daytona starts tomorrow. I’ve gotten up uber early every day this week, including today, and I’m just completely pooped out. Then I gotta get up like really fricking early for church tomorrow. And it’s not even like *shaking fists* You’d better appreciate how freaking early I got up today, God! No. It’s more like… *shaking fists* You’d better appreciate how early I got up today, Choir Director!

Which is a shame. Because I bought chicken strips and everything.

Mmm. Chicken.

[completely haven’t had my ADD meds today, can’t you tell?]

Some of the folks I went to high school with have little kids, and I see their chubby little faces sticking out of carts at the grocery store, and my first reaction is awwwwww…. My second is… y’know, ya aint getting any younger… the third is… HOLY CRAP. I COULD NEVER HANDLE KIDS!!! I COULD NEVER HANDLE BEING EVEN MORE TIRED THAN I AM NOW!!! (Yes, yes, we do what we need to when the time comes, survival instinct is necessary for the perpetuation of the speciec, bla bla bla, but never say that to a tired woman).

Of course… I have a similar reaction when I see the kitties that live in the house at the end of the street. They have two identical white/tan cats, a grey cat, a black and white cat, and a tan cat… at least two dogs… every day when I drive by there’s usually at least one in the window. If there is, I know it’s gunna be a good day. Find a penny, pick it up. And if there’s two in the window, that’s really special. Sometimes, I’ll drive by and there’s one sitting up, another laying down, and a third with it’s head on the second one’s butt. It’s picturesque and stuff.

[I’d like to take this opportunity to say… MY LITTLE PONY AND ME!!!!!!!–need my meds]

I saw the one that’s white and black today, he’s so thin and little. I don’t know if he’s a kitten, or just petite, and I thought awww… I want an animal soooo bad. Why do I want one? That’s like… more work. And I always try to check my desire to want things for the sake of wanting them… and I decided, it’s not like wanting a bigger shinier TV, it’s like… wanting more love in the home. And kitties give love. And then I was like… wait… that’s what kids’re for.

And then I paniced again. OH MY GOD, I CAN’T HANDLE A KID! I want a cat because I can’t handle a kid! I’m so selfish, I just wanna have my own life, and not worry about someone else all the time… I’m such a horrible person for only wanting to do what I want to do all the time! I can’t have my time interrupted from now until someone’s 18, and never have a quiet moment ever again! I can’t handle getting up early and getting grocery shopping done, and getting my chores done and working. I can’t imagine being responsible for someone and working. And the cost of childcare! Oh god, I’ll be one of those people that puts my kid in daycare and doesn’t see them 12 hrs a day, then they’re sleeping for 8, and I’m spending an hour in the morning and at night fighting with them to get dressed and get bathed and put their toys away… Holy crap, my job would NEVER be understanding if I had to take off because a kid was sick… shit, I don’t even know how they’d feel about maternity leave. I can’t afford maternity leave! I can’t work and have someone who needs all kinds of taking care of and SUPERVISION!!! And will just keep wanting STUFF, and whining and crying all the time when I have a headache!! OH MY GOD. 18 years of WHINING while I have a headache!! Constant misary! That’s hell! I don’t care about that ‘love they have to give,’ shit! What about the heartache, and the not listening to me, and going off and ruining their lives with some guy who can’t even hack community college…

All of this was going on in the half block from the kitty house to the stop sign closer to my end of the street. I stopped and made myself take a deep breath. I’m tired, because I am working full time and going to school. School won’t last forever. It feels like it, but it won’t. And I’ll eventually get a full night’s sleep. Eventually.

February 18, 2006 Posted by | NASCAR, Random & Miscellany | Leave a comment

Kurt, what the hell were you thinking, buddy?

So Kurt Busch is suspended basically for the rest of the season (the rest of the season being the last two races) and the rest of his engagement with Rouche. I haveta say I'm with Rouche on this… they do have the moral high ground among all other sports in the US, so they haveta do stuff like that to maintain the high standards. Otherwise the sport will be taken over by egos and prima donnas. Not saying that stuff isn't there, but it isn't all about that right now.

November 13, 2005 Posted by | NASCAR | 6 Comments


(Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks)

So, we had to choose the lesser of two evils to root for in the last ten laps today. It was either the Rainbow Retard (Jeff Gordon) or Fatty McFat-Fat (Tony Stewart) If you’re going for the paint or the hardware store, I guess you should go for the paint. It’s all very philisophical, I guess. Or something. Mostly I just hate Tony Stewart because he spent most of last season whining. Of course, I spent most of last season hatingn Jeff Gordon because he was winning. And he’s really smarmy. Today’s his first win in like…ever where he hasn’t thanked God. God may very well smite him for that. His car’ll end up in a ball of flames on the second lap next week. James said he did say he was praying for the Hendricks people who died last year on their way to that same race. So, he did mention God. Roundaboutly. So God’ll only half-smite him. His car will roll or something. Unlike his complete and utter smiting of Rusty Wallace. I guess that virgin he sacrificed was only a virgin if you arn’t counting oral sex. Which apparenly satan was.

Michael Waltrip also needs to get in on that sacrificing things thing. Like–seriously. Nice dude, but he’s been having a rough time of it. Dale Junior actually finished a race. It’s like his third this year 😉 well, he’s finished more than that. I think. Biffel had the yellow paint job, which makes him drive bad, somehow. I guess the darker color of his national guard/post-it paint job hides the blood from the sacrificed chickens better. And the wolfsbane doesn’t clash so much with the interior.

October 23, 2005 Posted by | NASCAR | 2 Comments