Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

This is for James, who really hates those commercials


January 11, 2007 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird | Leave a comment

Yeah. Totally.

Swear…never gunna procrastinate this bad ever again.  Doing a term’s worth of work like… right now.  For tomorrow.

Of course, I always swear I’m not going to procrastinate like this but I do.   *Sigh*

Part of it’s senioritus, I just want to be done so bad.  I also just dont want to do anything any more.  Ever.  Just want to, like, either goof around on the internet indefinately or just hide in the bottom of my closet.  I’ve also gotten to that glorious place where I dont want to take any of my meds or vitamins or try to get enough calcium and protein and shit.  I just want to, like, shrivel up and die.

It’s my cheery demeanor that keeps you coming back here, I know.

Can’t wait till this term is over.

December 11, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird | Leave a comment

Reality? We don’t need no stinkin’ reality.

Algore (one word) says the darnedest things.  And by darndest, I mean dumbest.  Aparently TV’s more important than the Internet, which he invented.  Y’know.

Ok, so what if he exaggerated the facts in his global warming documentary? He’s just doing what artists do–tell a falsehood or fiction in order to get to the larger truth.

So what if he claims he made up the Internet? He could be mistaken.

Stuff that I will not forgive:

The crazy beard.  Ok, think about who has a crazy freakin’ beard like that?? All bushy and with a white patch on the chin?? Sadam Hussain, Harrison Ford,  Mel Gibson and… Algore.

1)  Uhh… insane a lot.

2) Did you see that frightening Dr Seuss commercial during the Superbowl?? STILL have nightmares. And he’s married to a skeleton who died right about the time Alley McBeal ended and has finally achieved, through decomposition, her ideal weight.  He looks nuts, therefore he IS nuts.

3) Way to go, Mel Gibson… way to be completely freakin’ nuts, and have a crazy homeless guy beard.  Even without those silly Jews, you’d still be a crazy guy with a crazy beard. And you’d find someone else to blame for your drunkeness. Drunkard.  HOWEVER, Mel Gibson is still less crazy than Tom Cruise who lives on planet Tom.  He may, however, be MORE crazy than Pat Robertson, who’s crazy and says things… but is mostly a benign crazy.

4)  Crazy beard, makes stuff up about the internet and global warming and thinks TV is more important than the internet.  Y’know, that crazy internet from which I can download my favorite shows for a nominal fee from legitimate sources such as iTunes.  Crazy, crazy Algore.  You may have shaved your crazy beard, but you’re still crazy.

August 30, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird, Technology & The Intarweb, Unwashed Masses | Leave a comment

Behold! The power of FLOAM!!

1) Gots me a new toy… best $6 I ever spent. Had it for about a week (back when I popped my many tires). I keep it on my desk at work. I take it out when I’m on the phone with someone and thinking really hard about a problem. Having something to squish helps, somehow. At least it keeps me from nibbling my nails.

2) REALLY need to find a new voice teacher. I just really need to keep up with it. I certainly notice a change in disposition when I don’t have dead white male composers to obsess about. Current dead white male obsession: Maurice Durufle’s Requiem. I’ve got bits and pieces. MUST have the whole thing. That and the prospect of watching the Stargate 200th episode give me a reason to live right now.

3) HATE everybody on ebay who doesn’t do international shipping. Especially when every. freaking. thing. I. want. is only available from UK sellers. Like that Requiem cd.

4) Hair is behaving irradically. May have to have it committed. BOTHERED to blowdry, productize and straighten the mess that sits atop my head that normal people would refer to as hair, and the damned stuff will not cooperate.

5) Something I never wish to TYPE again (from something at work): “They thought it was spam, but Kelly and Brenda just wanted to make sure.” PAINFUL junior high flashbacks. PAINFUL. My parents wish they could take back disco and the 70’s, I wish I could take back the 90’s, and my wardrobe based on the stylings of the 90210 characters. *Hangs head in shame* oh the horror! I think my perm still holds up tho. I had a decent perm back then. That’s something, I guess.
6) A conversation I never want to be a part of again:

Party A: “We’re really excited about Macbeth. We’re gunna tivo that bitch.”

Party B: “Save that for me, will ya? I f-cking love Macbeth.”

Party C: “Yeah. Burn it to CD or something. I wanna get my homicidal-crazyass-bitch-wife, OCD with the hand-washing freak-on.”

No. Really. It makes a little nauseous thinking about it. Or maybe it’s #7 that’s making me sick.

7) I’ve consumed .75 oz of my 1.5 oz container of Ice Breakers Sours. They’re not quite as sticky-sweet as the Altoids sours, which have somehow achieved the imposibility of having 700% suger content. The Ice Breakers Sours are sugar-free, allegidly. They’re still kinda sticky though, which I don’t like. And I like the texture. The only thing better is the Lifesavers Minits in the green package. Not the blue… The blue taste like Christmas, and that makes me depressed… even in 100 degree weather. But the green… they taste more like actual mint plant… which seem to grow, for some demented reason, like weeds in my mum’s yard. Could I get them growing in mine?? Not a freaking chance.

8) I have a pen fetish. Not like… doing perverted things with pens, thank-you-very-much, get your mind out of the gutter, Joel, Ted, et al. I just… obsess over pens. Kind of the way I obsess over ponies and Daleks (Yes Mary, it’s DA-LEK. There is NO R IN DALEK!! There is also NO G in “supercalafragalisticexpialidotious.” OK, there’s a G. But it’s not at the end, where you always think it is. Change the batteries in your hearing aid!!). What the hell was I saying? Oh yes, pens. We were forced to write journals in my playwrighting classes… and 90% of my journal entries (the ones that wern’t gum wrappers and chinese cookie forturnes glued to the pages to take up space, replete with jaunty little comments about their made-up significance to my life) were about pens.

I was thoroughly in love with purple pens at the time. Pink seemed too bright and out-there, green was too close to blue, which was boring… and this was about the time gell pens became really big. Oh those things were expensive… but I’d actually do homework and write scripts for crappy plays with those things, just so I could write with the gel pen. Oh Man, and when they came out with the metalic pens… *drool*

Anyways… SOMEHOW… and I don’t know how I managed it… I resisted the urge to buy the pack of 50 gel pens for $20. Which is an incredible deal. It sent shivers down my spine. Pink and green and so many shades of purple… I get tingly just thinking about it… Which means there’s something seriously wrong with me.

9) Flüssigklebestifte is still a frigging awesome word. Sadly, the liquid glue’s a little too watery and when I try to paste something in my journal (grr… he kept me journaling, the evil teacher), the pages get really REALLY stiff.

10) James and I have decided to either save up tons of money, or just get really really rich through means legal or otherwise, and move to another country for a year and just watch television. No real reason in particular. We just think it would be a really good use of 1/75th of our lives.

August 11, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird | 4 Comments

Sleepy AND bored… all at the same time.

I could write.  I’m like four pages away from being done with another chapter.  But I’ve been so captain insano productive since I finished my classes, I might burn myself out on writing if I do too much of it.  And I’m kinda too tired to really think of what to say. If I’m too tired, I end up using onus correctly in sentences, and actually MEANING it, and onus is such a stuck-up word.  Gotta clean the bathtub. It bugs me to no end.  Wash clothes (which is something that just never ends).  Redd up the bedroom, yeah, I say red-up.  Get over it.  Red up the office.  Actually, I should rephrase that.  Excavate the office.  Watch some Glenn beck on the tivo, sterilize the kitchen (can’t even go into how unhappy the kitchen is right now–it’s a good thing I don’t cook.  The floor hasn’t even been mopped with the swiffer since summer term started)… order some books on the internet (Hoping to have them in before I go in for surgery, so I have something to read when I’m bored and can’t concentrate due to too many drugs.  ‘Sides, Dr Who books are always better when you’re fully medicated)… order some other things off the intarweb… bladdy bladdy.  So there’s stuff to do. but it’s all work-work.  And I dont wanna do that. I just wanna have fun and bang on my drum all day.  O well.

Oh yeah… Heather… so, hows about we find something to do on the weekend of the 20th that doesn’t involve me ripping my stitches?? lol.  Pretty much just found out i’m having surgery next week (oh sweet, glorious fun).  Maybe we can go see a show?

August 7, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird | 1 Comment

I’ll be good.

I promise not to post like crazy madness again.  James said I made too many posts on the 23rd.

I’ll be good.

Lets see… stuff…

1) Still hating food. But I was actually hungry today, and I might be hungry now (I’m not sure–I’ll haveta meditate deeply on it)

2) Still hating getting in between my parents little spats.  Look, dad’s a d-ck.  And I don’t mean Grayson.  Just don’t talk to him.  If you don’t talk to him, and you let your lawyer do all the talking, then you won’ thave to get all mad that he’s a d-ck.  I mean, you’re divorcing him because he’s a d-ck, right?? GOD.  I’m mostly bitter that my mom hasn’t figured this out for 27 years and  doesn’t behave accordingly.  As if her being nasty or playing martyr will somehow convince him that he’s a d-ck.  ARRG.  Don’t get me involved, and don’t forward or CC me on any mails you send him or his replies.  I. Don’t. Care.  I’ve written him off.  You should too.
3) Haaaate.

4) I enjoy making kids in other countries cry.  I laugh when I get emails from them about how mean I am to fictional characters and why can’t I just be a nice person.  They’re little the petals of little flowers from heaven.

5) If Inyuasha just whacked kagome around, the chick’d learn her place, man.  Why’s he let his woman go runnin’ around in that hot little sailor school girl getup? With her legs showing like that? Isn’t this feudal japan?? Oh who’m I kidding? He’s so whipped.  She says sit, and he throws himself to the ground for her.  How pathetic.  How domestic.

6) My brother is roxor!!11.  He did my lawn and chopped up my tree which fell during the last storm.  I owes him the monies of course, but I’d never have time to do that on my own, with school and everything. My sisters are roxor in training for helping him.

7) Stuff.

8) Cows go moo and ducks go quack.

July 27, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird, Family & Friends | Leave a comment

Wrong, wrong wrong.

And somewhere out there, there’s a cult to this guy. The worst part is… I think that’s my kindergarten room from when I was a kid.

** spew warnings. **

June 15, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird, TV/Movies/Books | Leave a comment

It’s not you…

I really do keep dinking with the layout.  My bad. Sorry for making you nuts.

On a seperate note, I don't think us going to see X3 is going to work out tonight.  However, there is an 11:15 showing in the morning that I'm eyeing.  Mostly I hope it doesn't suck.

Hmm.. I think that's about all I have to report today.  

May 25, 2006 Posted by | Comics, Crazy and/or Weird | 3 Comments

Stuff this blog is not about:

(basically everything anyone does a web search for.  Why can't someone be looking for "cute library science student with cat eye glasses" or "he can do that cuz he's batman" or even "Sporatic blog vomit"–no.  they find my page by looking for THIS stuff.)

 Now with commentary! The extra crunchy tangy taste that makes it all worth while. 


Search Views
(Funny, but ew, nasty, go away.) 

naked doorbell

(Those silly naked doorbells.) 



Search Views
why is my dad an ass 1
 (Don't you wish.Loser.)

washing wringer school dicipline

calling off work 1
(who IS james marns?) 

comic "tastes like christmas

(Beat 'em with one of those tenderizing malet thingies.)  

16 yr porn

(Your ISP has been notified) 


May 11, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird | 3 Comments


So I went to the gas station to get gas for the lawnmower since Mary wouldn't help me out yesterday. Came home, filled up my mom's mower. Stupid thing wouldn't turn over.

So… I call my brother and ask him to take a look at it. I don't pretend to know the mysteries of the lawn mower. He yanks on the chain and yanks on it, nothing.  Messes with the primer, tries starting it on cement and on the grass, no go.  

Then he tells me to hold back this little lever that looks broken.  I'm standing there holding this tiny thing right above the motor while he yanks the crap out of the chain.  After a few minutes of this, I give up.  I figure, God doesn't want me to mow my grass.  Which is sad, cuz it's like two feet tall.

I told him ok, fine.  Lets try MY mower.  It didn't work last year, it's probably in worse shape now, but hey.  What the hell.

Didn't that bitch start on the first yank of the cord?

I guess between me and my mother we can only have one functioning lawn mower.  More than one would throw off the balance of the universe.  Oh well, this means they have to come get it and lift it and crap, instead of me.  I hurt my back every single time i had to put that thing in the trunk of my car last summer.

…Wonder if I should give the weed wacker another try?  

May 6, 2006 Posted by | Crazy and/or Weird | Leave a comment