Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

This one time… at smart-kid-camp…

Sorry, dude.  Living on math is like livin’ on love–neither’ll feed ya.  And if video games are involved, neither will keep you warm at night.

Thanks for totally making me feel like an under-achiever, dude.  I didn’t start grad school the first time till I was 20.  Then I freaked out in the first week of November when i was sitting around, listening to the retarded things that graduate english majors think about and consider important. I seriously, SERIOUSLY had a breakdown over it.  And that was it, man.  My 3-credit graduate career, down the sh-tter. it took me four years to get enough self-esteem to even apply to another program.  Of course, I’d have probably slit my wrists with the broken remains of the bathroom mirror I’d just bashed my head against if I’d have not been accepted, but hey.

Seriously, I still wanna be a writer when I grows up, but i can’t freakin’ stand the stuck-up twads in the English department.  Buncha freakin’ literature snobs.  FINALLY finished my writing certificate last year… AFTER I’d been in grad school for two terms, I might add… All because I WANTED to take this one class (not really required) but couldn’t find a teacher who wasn’t completely unbearable.  I don’t see anything un-literary about zombies.  They’re people too, dammit.  But I wasn’t beiing a total Kafkaesque jerkwad about it, so oh… that’s a “genre story,” which is too base and low-class for us stuck-up coffee-drinking baret-wearing yuppie freaks.  I had another nervous breakdown a couple years ago when i realized I’d never conform to what they thougt was a worthy writing enterprise.  You know, sometimes, you just wanna write stuff that is fun to read and makes other people happy.  If something deeper happens, great.  If not, I’m not going to force it and pretend i’m F. Scott Fitzgerald, because oh my god, if I was, I’d probably impale myself on my own writing implement.  ARUGG.  Literature snob flashbacks.  Sorry.

Anyways, took me another year to realize it was OK that I’d never fit in with them.  It doesn’t mean I’m stupid (or at least I hope not) it just means I’m on a different path and they’ve taught me all that they can teach me.  I know HOW to think, which is the real job of a teacher.  I have a library card and I happen to be literate.  I think I can let the books teach me WHAT to think.

Can you tell I’ve had like 8 shots of whiskey?? I’m waxing on about my traumatic English department past, which I’d thought long since burried safely in my subconscious.  Guess not.  Oh well, I’m bitter that my dad’s an ass tonight too.  I guess it’s all connected.

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July 23, 2006 - Posted by | Thoughts

5 Comments »

  1. Oh, the academia. That’s definitely part of the reason I never went on to grad school. Plus, the idea of spending another 2-4 years sitting in classes made me want to do bad things to myself. I think I burned myself out in undergrad. My entire senior year was spent waiting to finally get into the “real world” and do something.

    Comment by Heather | July 24, 2006

  2. I think you both are taking this much too seriously. The fact is that only a certain percentage of graduate students act that way.

    Certainly, it’s no reason to be any significant reason not to pursue graduate studies in any subject. Because that is what you do. You study.

    Comment by Phil | July 24, 2006

  3. …but…the flashbacks!!

    I’m going to my happy place now. My little pony, my little pony… My little pony and meeeeee

    (and I’m totally caught up with my work for the next, oh, 20 hrs or so. One more project and a 15 page paper and the term is blessedly o-v-e-r).

    I totally fear the nerds, dude. There’s something weird about EVERYBODY in grad school. And if they’re not physically weird, they have really annoying voices when you talk to them on the phone. I think there HAS to be something wrong with you for going to grad school, myself in included. I mean, we were done. We started, then we finished. Do I need a third piece of sheep skin?? not really. Of course, I don’t not need it either. AKK?? what was I thinking!!?? (nevermind–I know what I was thinking. the words “anywhere but here” factored into the whole sollilquy going on in my noggin)

    Comment by battybeyond | July 24, 2006

  4. Oops. One of my sentences made no sense whatsoever. I meant, “Certainly, that’s not a significiant reason to avoid graduate studies in any subject…”

    Comment by Phil | July 24, 2006

  5. Nope. I understood ya the first time around. Either even your nonsensical stuff makes sense, or I’m really good at reading babble. Of course, I do deal with the public.

    Comment by battybeyond | July 24, 2006


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