Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

So… we know I hate food, right?

Yeah. Haven’t had much of an apetite for about a month.  I don’t know… I’m hungry… jus, nothing tastes good. I have no desire to spend the time and effort necessary to consume food.  You’d think I’d lose weight or something, but noooo. Anyways… Every time I fill up my water bottle at work, I look at the rainbow twizzlers… it’s like the My Little Pony of candy.  It’s all sweet and innocent and fluffy looking. And I [heart] twizzlers. Especially nibs.  Oh Nibs… how I heart thee. Of course, I haven’t really had any desire to eat them either, but I just know, in my heart, I love Nibs. So, I finally said, ok, I’m gunna get them today.  Cuz food’s food.  And I’m looking at a frozen dinner that just looks like too much effort to reheat and actually put into my face.

…Rainbow Twizzlers….

EWW.  OH MY GOD.

First of all, they have the consistancy and color of Playdo. Eww. Second… there’s only 5 in the entire pack… and they’re shorter than regular twizzlers, that come in two rows.  Jipolsky, lemme tell ya.

I swear.  Every time I eat ANYTHING, I’m just reminded of why I hate food.  I mean… I had chocolate… DARK CHOCOLATE sitting on my desk for over a week.  I’d look at it, and think of how much I USED to like it… then not eat it.  Finally I was getting alittle light headed one night when I didn’t feel like eating my dinner, or forgot it, or something, and I ate five “funsize” dark chocolate bars, and didn’t even enjoy it.

Everything’s awful. What the hell? I have never, in all of my life, lost my appetite.  My mom could tell you, I was a world-class eater as a kid.  which makes this whole thing perplexing.

Honestly, if it wern’t for protein bars and shakes (which’re easy and small to eat–little commitment of time and energy, but stop that whole spiraling blood sugar thing), I think my hair would be falling out right about now.  I can drink about half of an 8 oz bottle of V8 (which I normally LOVE) before I’m just like… ok, I’m done.  And I haveta make myself drink the rest so I can get something resembling nutrients once in a while.  Salad sucks, meat sucks, bread sucks, nuts suck, everything’s horridable and awful.  Even when I try eating something on the “naughty” list because I normally like it, and I’m trying to just trick myself into eating, I don’t want it. I actually gave my sister my icecream cone at Kennywood. I think I mostly wanted to go through the act of buying the icecream cone. Kind of the way I like to stand in front of the vending machine at work. It makes me feel like I could eat junk food, if I wanted to eat anything at all.  But then I just get sad because everything looks yucky.  I WANT to like it,  but, ultimately, it’s just yucky.  The cookies from subway… the first 8th of the cookie was good. And I [heart] cookies, especially theirs. I never get ’em cuz they’re bad. but I was like… geeze, COME ON. I should be deriving something resembling pleasure from a freakin’ COOKIE.  I should at least be thinking… yum. It’s good that there’re cookies in the universe. But no.  I’m thinking… geeze, how much did I spend on this?? It’s a damned shame… cuz now I’m gunna throw it out… hamburgers, fish, onion rings… steamed veggies…  i maen.. the whole kit and kaboodle.  It’s yucky.

Dude… why’s everything yucky??

Can anyone reccomend something that doesn’t suck?

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July 22, 2006 - Posted by | Food

4 Comments »

  1. Oh dear…I’m so glad you blogged about the Rainbow Twizzler affair. I was sooooo tempted to give them a try as through the package, they felt different from the regular Twizzlers and I thought they could *might* could be tasty.

    Now I know and knowing’s half the battle – thanks SS!

    Comment by The Telly Nelly | July 27, 2006

  2. Food is nasty. Eat as little as possible- just enough for survival, and fuck the rest. 🙂

    Comment by K | September 8, 2006

  3. You could have intestanl blockage or they could have gotten twisted around. (it happons) MAKE your docter take an exray and see if there is anything wrong in your adomal area. When you have problems there it can cause an abrut loss of appite and everything tastes discusting, bcause there’s something wrong!

    Just like with pain if it hurts dont do it! Your body is trying to tell you something.

    Comment by quietriver | September 11, 2006

  4. wow, i seriously cannot even imagine not constatnly craving food. if it’s meal time and i’m not hungry i eat anyway, just because i can, and because food is so darned delicious! It’s actually really frustrating, since I’m on a diet and I just can’t seem to control myself. But I do not envy you.. feeling apathetic toward food must be awful. Really, get that checked out. And good luck!

    Comment by suzie q | November 20, 2006


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