Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

My dad is such an ass, let me count the ways…

1) he didn't get rid of the bunk beds when he told mom he got rid of them.

2) he shoved them in the hall closet.

3) in doing said shoving, he ripped down all the shelves that were in there, and they are now twisted up in the wreckage.

4) in cleaning out his crap out of the closet in my sister's room, I found…

    a) dust bunnies that could rise up and overthrow a small latin american country

    b) computer parts so obsolete that I'm not sure St. Vincent Depaul will even take them.

    c) empty boxes from software and parts with numbers such as "95" and "NT" associated with them.

    d) a key, hidden in the INSIDE door frame of my sister's closet.  To what? I do not know. I'm sure it's to something no-good. 

    e) broken bags and other sh-t.  Holy crap. If it's broken, THROW IT OUT!!!

    f) xrays from the emergency room from the car accident we were in when I was EIGHT.

    g) Jimmy Hoffa's body.

    h) a set of brand new blinds.  Burried in the bottom.

    I) four replacement batteries for a camcorder he no longer owns.

    J) a $300 tripod for said recorder.  

    K) The lost city of Atlantis.

I had one bag of garbage just from the overflow from the closet.  No wonder my sister's depressed about life–he's got a closet full of crap in her room, a set of shelves and a corner full of books.  If we just get rid of his crap, suddenly she'll have room to move.

I used up an entire box of garbage bags JUST ON THAT CLOSET.  And that doesn't even count what I gave to charity.  One huge microwave box, a bag of software that was actually still in the package (I can't even stress how many empty boxes were in there) and another small box of crap.

It's like… holy hell.  THROW SOMETHING OUT ONCE IN A WHILE.  He's making me feel guilty for holding on to the box for my laptop for almost three years.  I'm totally taking the paperwork out of the box and pitching it when I get home tonight.  This is actually WORSE than cleaning out my grandparents' place, and we filled a freaking dumpster with that shit.  I have not even tackled the corner with all the manuals to machines from companies for which he no longer works, entire busticated computers, and God knows what else. 

My brother spent the morning going through a tower of boxes that my sister moved to the hall TEN YEARS AGO when she moved into the attic.  The contents? Old bills, cashed checks and bank books.  Some of them are from when we lived in the Poconos.  I was 11 when we lived there!! My sister moved the boxes out of the attic in the hopes that he'd put them in the room that became his office, or go through them, or throw them out. 

We haven't even tackled his room. I'm not sure if we'll ever be ready for that. There're too many packrats in that family!! They make me look positively nomadic.  

Conclusion: dad may leave, but his crap will always be with you.  

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April 11, 2006 - Posted by | Unwashed Masses

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