Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

Missing the stink of despiration

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but James and I like to go to the mall on Christmas Eve. We walk around in the morning, point out to each other stuff we like, then split up and buy christmas gifts for each other. It seems to work out really well. We get stuff that we like, usually with other little surprises thrown in, but there’s still thoughtfulness in choosing, so it’s not like we just gave each other cash for christmas 🙂

The crowds grow exponentially as the day goes on. It’s kind of fun to see people rushing around frantically, because they have yet to buy for everybody on their list. I’m usually done with Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving.

James is working tomorrow, so we had to go today. It was still fun and stuff, and there were tons of people, but everyone was WAY too calm. There wern’t many people with that wild-eyed “OMFG” look in their eyes. Basically the whole mall lacked the stink of despiration.

That’s the fun, I think. Knowing that all your shopping is done and wrapped, and anything you do at this point is gratuitous, and that you have nowhere to be, no rush, and if you haveta stand in line for half an hour to pay for something, or be caught at a light for fifteen minutes, that’s fine–you have nowhere to be. Unlike all these other poor suckers who have done NO shopping and haveta be somewhere in an hour. There’s an electric charge to the place, and so much emotional protoplasm (Double Nerd Score) it’s making people bloated. They’re sweating it out, and if they dont releave the pressure fast enough, they’ll explode and the charge in the air will blow the place sky-high. That’s how riots happen.

So we just sit on the bench at the mall, sipping our frozen coffees, waiting for the chaos to unfold. It’s like the excitement of a live performance, but with the added hope that the mall cop will pull his gun.

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December 23, 2005 - Posted by | Holiday, Unwashed Masses

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