Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

Working up the energy for apathy

Have I mentioned my parents are getting a divorce? I can’t remember if I did or not. I used to spend so much energy and emotion on their problems (see old posts from the beginning of this blog) but lately I can’t seem to care. I dont know if it’s because I have too much on my plate, or if I’m worn out from them dancing in little circles for years and years, or abject shock that mom’s finally doing something about one of the problems in her life that doesn’t involve yelling and screaming and blaming someone else (well, there’s that too, but usually mom just blames and screams and never actually takes any sort of positive action to see that the issues is actually resolved.

Maybe it means I’m growing up, because right now I’m worrying about myself and a certain situation in my own life that I’m trying to resolve, not to mention school and our ongoing debate on where to live. Shit, I’m even having trouble working up the energy to care about the other family drama shit going on with my grandfather and how everyone’s pitching in to take care of him and my grandmother. I’m even having trouble feeling guilty that I haven’t seen them since I’ve been back in town, and I’ve been back in town a whole two days!

I worry about my “family of origin.” I want to be there for them, and treat them right. I want everyone to know that they’re loved by me, and I want to have good times with them.

I also want my fucking homework done, a cookie, a full night’s sleep, and someone to even notice the super-human effort I have been putting in this semester to get everything done in my life and with school and everything else. I think getting shit done on the wire may be my mutant power. I’d really rather be blue or have big knives shoot out of my hands or be able to fly, however.

Maybe I’m just too effing busy to care. That may be it.

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November 30, 2005 - Posted by | Angst, Family & Friends, Unwashed Masses

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