Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

Hating on the Wonder Woman

I just read the first issue of Infinity Crisis. I guess I should break down the hate session into points of interest. Color-coated for your protection.

  • I do like it when Batman is natty. Especially when he’s natty with Superman. I really did enjoy (and not just Bizzaro enjoy, the way I enjoy everything else) when he told Superman the last time he was inspirational was when he (Superman) was dead. Rhok on. I’m not sure if they fight like brothers, or a married couple. Either way, Lois and Catwoman are gunna be pissed 😉
  • HOW MANY FUCKING UNIVERSE ENDING CRISES DO WE NEED?
  • Firstly, I can’t keep track of the little fuckers. Infinite, infinity, infinite earths, crisis this that and the other thing…
  • I am full of self-loathing because I swore off “stunt,” “event” and “crisis” books. I succesfully dodged the OMAC bullet.
  • Still bitter about Ted Kord. What the hell did Ted ever do to anyone? Ok, I can see killing Sue and Jack Drake, as much as I hate the idea, but Ted’s half of a comedy duo. Booster without Blue Beetle is like… I don’t know. Peanut butter without bread. It’s just a peanut butter and hand sandwich. I have an idea, lets kill everybody and make everybody else evil.
  • Dude, I thought old-superman from the earth where superman and lois got old and fat together kicked it in the first crisis.
  • I SEE NO POINT AT ATTEMPTING ANY MORE RETCONS IN THE DCU. It’s just so pointless. If you start trying to retcon and streamline the storyline, you just spend all your time doing that. For every bandaid you put on a timeline, you create two or three more boo boos. Like Power Girl. Holy crap. Can we just leave poor Power Girl alone?? You displaced her by trying to make her Kara, but she wasn’t, really, because you couldn’t commit to it, now we have Kara (and I LIKE this version of Kara), so what becomes of KAREN? Oh wait, we need a FRICKING RETCON. Retcon is like crack to DC
  • I hate Wonder Woman. I think she’s a sanctimonious bitch, and a feminazi. There’s just no one that can write her as a human being, they’re so stuck on her, and her feminist agenda. She ends up being this hypocritical “do as I say, and be peaceful, because I’m so much fucking smarter than you, and if you don’t do as I say, I’ll pound you” person. UGG
  • It’s very rare that ANYONE writes strong female characters well. They’re usually bitches, completely dysfunctional, sanctimonious or perfect, or some combination therein.
  • HATE the costume. I REALLY want to see her tits fall out of that strapless metal bostier. I think anyone who writes Wonder Woman should run around in a strapless corset for a while and see how much fun it is. If you have big tits (and ALL female comic book characters are inflated. I think they go to the same plastic surgeons as stars in hollywood. It’s required for membership in the union), you’re ALWAYS in danger of your breasts popping out of anything that puts them on a shelf. How do I know? Personal experience. I kind of like the older costume with the skirtish short kinda thing… I’m tired of looking at wonder woman’s ass hanging out. Really. If this were real life, there’d be sites dedicated to Wonder Woman’s camel toe.
  • When I was a kid–threeish I’d say, I used to watch all the old superhero shows. Greatest American Hero, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Hornet… I had a set of Wonder Woman underoos, complete with the little tank top that I would run around the house in, wasting mom’s aluminum foil on magic bracelets, deflecting imaginary bullets. I really wanted to be batman, but I thought all I could be was wonder woman because I was a girl. I hate wonder woman. I wanna be batman when I grow up.
  • I suspect Wonder Woman is only a member of the “big three” because DC, and everyone else, has decided she must be. Wonder Woman has NEVER had the sales of Superman and Batman books. Books with higher sales have gotten killed before. But oh no, we have to keep Wonder Woman around because she’s one of the “big three,” not because she’s actually a decent character that anyone understands how to write. Donna Troy is thought to be the most misunderstood character in comicbook history, hence all the reboots. However, I suspect Wonder Woman is, but everyone’s too stubborn to admit she needs rethunk or rebooted.
  • There’re two basic componants of Wonder Woman’s character that are constantly being displaced and under-utilized, because they’re so mixed up in feminist agenda.
  • First, the mythology aspect, and the actual place of the Amazons in the wacky family tree of Greek mythology. When they actually focus on the gods and their interferance in Wonder Woman’s life, it tends to be an interesting story. IF they don’t let it drag on too long. Shorter is better with Wonder Woman, it seems.
  • The second is her displacement in Man’s World. I don’t really think of it as “Man’s World,” and I think Wonder Woman needs to get off that high horse. Believe it or not, I make more than many of my male coworkers. The bras have been burned, and at least in this country, for the most part, equality has been achieved. Go conquer the Middle East and the places where women arn’t to be seen OR heard. But oh no, Wonder Woman spends her time harping on America. Whatever. Disintrested. Wonder Woman no longer represents the modern woman, flat out. Period.
  • Actually, I believe her displacement isn’t in a world that doesn’t understand her, and her wisdom, but in a world that SHE doesn’t understand. I think we tend to judge history and culture based on our own standards of enlightenment (Oh my God… how could those people in the middle ages believe THAT!! How could they treat XYZ that way!!? How could the people in new england burn people at the stake!!?? But to them, at that point in time, it seemed fairly reasonable to some folks). SHE is the outsider. She really needs to stop looking at us like WE are the people in funny clothes.
  • I think I should write a doctorate thesis on why wonder woman sucks.
Advertisements

October 14, 2005 - Posted by | Comics, Crazy and/or Weird, Growly and/or Whine

2 Comments »

  1. Just for Tammy:

    http://ctoe.bolt.com/celebrity.html

    Comment by Anonymous | October 20, 2005

  2. Comment by Anonymous | October 20, 2005


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: