Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

I’ve probably said this before…

I really do need to start keeping notes for November. Yeah, freaky, I know. I was all like… I can’t handle 50k words in November if I’m taking three classes and working… but I can do it. Especially since I’m taking off almost two weeks around the holiday. God willing, I’ll have the time and the space to do it while we’re driving and in KS. Oh yeah and the ability to focus. I really need to buckle down if I’m going to do this and my school work. But It really IS time to do v2 of the novel. And I actually feel GOOD about chucking the entire first draft and starting over. Crazy, I know. That 80k words was just for practice 🙂 White-hot hate. Lemme tell you.

I’ve got a few ideas. I definately I have to flesh out Alex’ history a bit more. Get rid of mom, possibly the aunt. I think I wanna try to finish up the journal I have now and start a new one in October with just notes for the book. I also need to “finish” the short story I’m working on before october. Oh no trouble with that. I haven’t exactly done what you’d call “starting” it. I’m just researching right now. Of course, I could just chuck this novel, call it a good learning experience, and move on with it. But I don’t know… There’s something going on with it. Even though I’ve told the whole thing, there’s still something there that’s trying to be said. Hey, I’m not that arrogent–I don’t think I actually have something to say myself 🙂 That path would lead to madness.

Its kind of amazing how much more comfortable I am in my own skin as a writer lately. Two years ago I came to the realization that I didn’t fit in with the stuffy “literature” types not because I was stupid, but because I just had to follow my own path. And that “literature” in the modern sense is really just a stuffy genre about personal discovery involving little girls with flower pots instead of two-headed dogs with flower pots. Personally I think the two headed dog rout is safer. I think it took me a whole year to get that through my thick skull. Writing the first draft of the book last year helped. You have absolutely no room for self-doubt when you’re pounding out 2k words a day in an effort to meet a completely unrealistic deadline.

(Maybe I should write a bunch of short stories this year!!??)

And the last year or so I’ve been coming to accept that I really DO write and read every day. Just not what the stuffy people would like. I keep waiting for the part where I engage in a ‘serious’ endevor. Now I’m like… yeah…. whatever.

So it’s the end of august andI’m excited for November. I need something positive to focus on. School isn’t challenging, it’s just busy work (and holy crap are the text books expensive)… work is… um… unmentionable. Even on a blog that nobody reads. Lets just say… this is day 8 of my 14 day week. And leave it at that. I won’t mention all the double shifts I’ve been pulling. I can’t wait to get the hell outta Dodge, and I can’t wait to just not be doing the same things I do all the time that preclude me from having time to do the things I want to do. A week or so away will be good. Too bad I have to survive two and a half months till then.

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August 29, 2005 - Posted by | Wordy

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