Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

Those crazy Federalies crack me up.

From a job posting a friend is interested in “No positive education is required.”

I can say with great assurance, none of my educational experiences have been positive. Except that time Sr. Mary Francis overturned my desk cuz it was so dirty. It wasn’ t positive at the time, but I thank her for it now.

Dude. Ok, what the hell does no positive education mean? I dunno. But it’s the ATF …Who’s now the Bureau of Alchohol, Tobacco, Firearms and EXPLOSIVES. Aparently you now get all FOUR as part of your signing bonus. Ok, I’m not too much into the tobacco stuff, but I’m sure I can think of useful stuff to do with it. My grandma used to roll her own smokes. Always looked like she was taking wacks of the wacky weed (Which could explain that incident where she broke her arm and hip by jumping off of dad’s third step in the middle of winter). So I could like spell jen-u-ine hand rolled tobacco or something.

I’ve decided to take up alchoholism as a hobby, so that’ll work out well. Firearms… wel, you know what you can do with fire arms. You can arm bears and set fire to them. NO wait. that’s not what you do with them. You shoot down bowling pins. Like those cops that one time at the shooting range where Ted lives wonder if he ever got his membership renewed? We should get together and roast cow while shooting things on some major holiday where we’re both not working overtime. Shooting things is happy fun day.

And EXPLOSIVES!! HAZAA!! Finally, something to match my explosive personality (yuck yuck) d00d. Ok, i’d give up lots of stuff to live a life such as the life lead by the Mythbusters. Not because I actually wish to bust myths, but I want to blow shit up and fire frozen chickens through layers of plated glass. I dated someone once that was like hardcore on the potato gun. it was awesome and fun.

Ok, what the hell was I talking about?? Oh how ATF is like the government organization for me. The only thing that could be better is if they were the bureau for Alchohol, Firearms, Explosives and Cheetos. That’d be like… sweet.

and yes I closed my digression tags, ya red diaper doper babies


August 27, 2005 - Posted by | Fun and quizzes

1 Comment »

  1. I was scrolling through the post very quickly and it looked like you wrote something about your grandma and hand jobs! But really, you were talking about joints and explosions. Is that really better? TV says so…

    Comment by HMC | September 2, 2005

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