Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

The great burning of the rubber

I started off sad and depressed today. The amount of home chores I have to do is building up. It’s been something like three weeks since the grass has been cut and the weeds look like a wheat field on the front lawn. My kitchen table needs serious help–the leg busted clean off. The sofa also needs fixed. I can’t say shit–they were my grandparents and they’re really old, so they’ve served us all well, and I guess they’re entitled to their breaking. It’s not anyone’s fault that the furnature hates me and is breaking all at once because it knows I’m overwelmed. We never finished trading offices–mine’s still “out of order” and half of my stuff is still in the basement. The basement looks like a federal disaster area and needs to be reorganized.

One thing I can say… I’VE ALREADY STARTED MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, BITCHES!!

Yes, I may be a horrible human being with an unkempt lawn, broken furnature turned upside down in TWO rooms in my house, a cluttered basement and an office that I never use. I may not cook because I can’t find my kitchen. I may have clothes hanging on the shower in the basement because I’ve run out of rack space to dry them on… but damnit, I’ve bought several christmas presents for people already. Like FIVE!!

But I digress…

I was also in a lousy mood because I missed my meds saturday and sunday and my widdle body doesn’t like the chemical ups and downs, so yesterday and today slitting my wrists has seemed like a perfectly viable and acceptable solution to the fact that my kitchen floor hasn’t been swept or moped in like three weeks (no e-mail, please).

I got out of the car at work and my evil stocking that were sent from hell to torment me proceeded to roll down every step I took until, by the time I got to my desk, they were hovering around my shins. Of course, just as I’m discretely slipping out of my shoes, taking off the stockings and shoving them in my desk, someone pops their head out of their cubicle and informs me that I’m supposed to be in a meeting in about 2 minutes.

I was ten minutes late meeting my husband for his 30 minute lunch because my watch was running perfectly fine up until this point decides to slow down by about forty five minutes. Could it be the entire day I spent swimming with it on last week?? To quote Grr… I don’t know.

I also got some really lousy news today that I can’t share with the Internet. That can make you guess what kind of news it is, since I told you about being molested by the waterslide. It’s really REALLY depressing, but I saw it coming. The fact that I like to think positive kept me from really dwelling on this possibility, but come on, lets face it–if given a choice between being a complete and total asshole and being kind and supportive, people are going to be complete and total assholes. Especially if they can be within the letter of the law to be a complete and total asshole. This news is going to make me completely and utterly miserable and destroy my life for almost a month, and in return I aint getting so much as lunch or a big box of Mike N Ikes. Just a “you HAVE to do this, it is your sworn duty!” I guess it is. But I’d still like a box of Mike N Ikes for my troubles. Especially since it seems to be your sworn duty to be an assclown and MAKE me do this this. I don’t expect you to care about me, but it’d be nice if you PRETENDED you did, and made small token gestures to make it appear that you did.

In conclusion, the whole world can lick my butt.

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August 3, 2005 - Posted by | Angst

3 Comments »

  1. mmm…Mike n’ Ikes…more delicious than Jelly Belly beans and 52% more likely to preserve your corpse years after death with the preservatives and artifical flavoring.

    Damn you’re good. I like to start my Christmas shopping the week of the blessed holiday. That’s why I either give very expensive gifts because I buy the first thing I see, or very crappy gifts because I buy the first thing I see. =) Maybe I’ll start early this year too and give thoughtful gifts. =0 lol. Just writing that sentence made me giggle.

    Comment by HMC | August 4, 2005

  2. Mmm… I can’t say they were “thoughtful” gifts. They were all stand-bys for people you don’t know very well to know what they like, but have to give SOMETHING to. Michael’s had a HUGE sale on their pillar candles, so I got three pillar candles and three shorter pillar candles the same color. I’m sure I can buy or find little fancy plates to put ’em on. The big ones were like a dollar, and the small ones were like fifty cents. So it LOOKS like I spent money on people. And some fancy schmancy ornaments at 75% off when the Symphony store was closing and moving. I’m sort of a bargain basement hunter when it comes to relatives I dont like. It LOOKS like I put effort into it, but I never do.

    Comment by TLG | August 4, 2005

  3. See, I’m more of a gift card giver. They are immediately useful and guarantee that people get what they want. The only drawbacks are that people know what you spent and they lack imagination.

    I’m a lazy shopper but I have a good imagination. For instance, I can imagine that my smoked-ham flavored turkey sandwhich is delicious. In fact, I’m using all my powers of creativity to convince myself that eating such highly processed meat by-products will not be my cause of death. I hope eating whole grain bread (complete with nutty grainy bits) slows the impending doom of my taste buds.

    Christmas shopping. Ham flavored turkey. Blech.

    Comment by HMC | August 4, 2005


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