Suicidal Snowflakes

Just because I have a short attention span doesn\’t mean I…

I had this dream

Have I told you this one?

Well, there’re these PETA people standing around this card table with their PETA posters taped to the front. It’s surrounded by 20-somethings and ugly protester chicks (ever notice how activist women usually don’t keep after their appearance?). Some of them are in those old style folding lawn chairs with the mesh backs and bottoms.

I’m a non-confrontational type. Actually, I’m nearly autistic when it comes to talking to people I don’t know in even ordinary situations (calling a new doctor to set up an initial appointment, even). I have to envision what a normal person would say to given things (like… that’s a nice sweater you’re wearing) because I have absolutely no instinct as to how to respond to people I don’t know. Weird, but true.

But for some reason, I initiate a conversation. I walk up to Pamela Anderson, who isn’t wearing makeup. Her hair’s all stringy and fried and she’s wearing this grey clingy t-shirt, and she might be lactating. I don’t know.

I proceed to tell her, for no reason at all, that I really do like soy milk, and fried tofu is just fine, and in general, I really don’t eat a lot of meat. However, I do love french fries. And when I make my french fries, I love to fry them in the pan drippings from bacon and hamburgers. Mmm. Mmm. Meatfat really makes those french fries taste better.


July 19, 2005 - Posted by | Random & Miscellany

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