Reality? We don’t need no stinkin’ reality.

Algore (one word) says the darnedest things.  And by darndest, I mean dumbest.  Aparently TV’s more important than the Internet, which he invented.  Y’know.

Ok, so what if he exaggerated the facts in his global warming documentary? He’s just doing what artists do–tell a falsehood or fiction in order to get to the larger truth.

So what if he claims he made up the Internet? He could be mistaken.

Stuff that I will not forgive:

The crazy beard.  Ok, think about who has a crazy freakin’ beard like that?? All bushy and with a white patch on the chin?? Sadam Hussain, Harrison Ford,  Mel Gibson and… Algore.

1)  Uhh… insane a lot.

2) Did you see that frightening Dr Seuss commercial during the Superbowl?? STILL have nightmares. And he’s married to a skeleton who died right about the time Alley McBeal ended and has finally achieved, through decomposition, her ideal weight.  He looks nuts, therefore he IS nuts.

3) Way to go, Mel Gibson… way to be completely freakin’ nuts, and have a crazy homeless guy beard.  Even without those silly Jews, you’d still be a crazy guy with a crazy beard. And you’d find someone else to blame for your drunkeness. Drunkard.  HOWEVER, Mel Gibson is still less crazy than Tom Cruise who lives on planet Tom.  He may, however, be MORE crazy than Pat Robertson, who’s crazy and says things… but is mostly a benign crazy.

4)  Crazy beard, makes stuff up about the internet and global warming and thinks TV is more important than the internet.  Y’know, that crazy internet from which I can download my favorite shows for a nominal fee from legitimate sources such as iTunes.  Crazy, crazy Algore.  You may have shaved your crazy beard, but you’re still crazy.

BEHOLD!

HPIM1124

Originally uploaded by battybeyond.

The cuteness that is Monkey. She gave herself a start this morning by knocking everything off the dining room table. But she was playing with everything, and it was so cute, so I let her go.

Most Haunted

Ok, so I like watching all the goofy ghost shows.  Found this one on the Travel channel on-demand.  My favorite guy is the medium guy.  I don’t know.  He’s just goofy.  And that’s a technical word.  They’re so serious.  That’s what’s so funny to me.  Ok, and the narrator lady just said “centuries of torment.”  I had to work to not crack up.  Why do I enjoy this stuff?? I think I’m deficient in some way.

Chalk up another one for making it up as you go along

We’ve established I never know what the heck is going on. I just ended a chapter with a “that can’t be good” type cliff hanger (ok, that’s exactly the words upon which the chapter ends) and I have no idea what “that” is, or why it isn’t good yet.

And I used to spend time dwelling on how I’m a horrible person for not having much in the way of a plan. Then I was listening to an audio book that had an interview with the author at the end… and she’s like… yup. Know how it starts, know how it ends. All points in between are fluid. And I was like… YAAY!! She makes money from not knowing what’s going on!!

Then I’m watching this thing on CSPAN (oh my god. I can’t believe I just said that–I’m so boring and stuffy that I need to die. Really.)… and it’s a table discussion with some scholars, the writers and cast of 24 and hosted by Rush Limbaugh. And the writers reveal… they have no idea what’s going on from one episode to the next… and they start shooting Season 6 in a few weeks and have NO IDEA what it’s going to be about. China’s involved and that’s about it.

see!!?? It’s OK to not have a plan!! horray for serendipity!!!

Can I just say… WAA???

Well, here goes.  WAAAAA!!!  I totally see what they’re saying,  bla bla bla.   But come on.  We like Rose!!! For heavens sakes!!!

The only thing this tea is missing is Daleks.

I’m not supposed to have caffine for like 9 months, but I’m hurting today. So a friend lent me his tea thingy. Real zippy stuff. Only, I didn’t realize how strong this tea was when I was dumping it out of the box, and I put like four times as much in the thing as necessary. This stuff isn’t bitter, it’s just… trucker tea. You can stick a spoon straight up in it. Tea like my gramma used to make. Ahh yes, those were the days. I had to do something I haven’t done since I was a kid… actually put milk in my tea. And I had to put a hell of a lot. Seriously. I had fuzzy weird nostalgic feelings remembering the smell of nicotine, dry fuzzy yarn and wet tea bags. And the sci-fi channel. My grandmother was one of the first people with the sci fi channel. She never turned the tv off of that, unless she was watching PBS or A&E. And if she left it on PBS, chances are, later in the day, it’d switch over to Doctor Who. SO you’d have Daleks with your gallons and gallons of tea that you’d swill.

PS…Dude… you know, I was like in junior high school before I figured out that you could put stuff in tea that wasn’t milk?? Sheltered existance.

PSS…I figured out what this tea tastes like. It tastes like that one time when I wanted to find out what would happen if you sucked all the remaining water out of a used tea bag. EXACTLY like that. Eww.

Oh well. at least I’m feeling a bit more awake. I feel like I’ve fallen off the medical bandwagon. I hope the medical fairies don’t come to get me and drag me away to hell for not following doctor’s orders. At least I was awake enough to have that thought.

Yeah, Heather, I was surprised too.

You Are 72% Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners. But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette

Are You A Lady?

words to live by.

“That could work. Of course, with enough careful planning, a deus ex machina of giant fluffy Peeps could work.”

NO, seriously. DONT

DONT download this song.

**Update: Sorry the link didn’t work.  Safari has decided to be a Bitchy McBitchface with my html.  Dude, I coded that by hand… WHY did it feel compelled to strip it?? What the hell did I ever do to Safari?**

That was SO Snakes on a Plane.

I swear, I’m going to write my doctoral thesis on Snakes on a Plane.  It was horror, it was action, it was disaster movie.  And the princess and the ninja got together at the end.

James keeps saying “he wasn’t a ninja, he was a kick boxer.” Yeah, ok, whatever.  The princess wasn’t a REAL princess either.  But come on.  The guy was a ninja. Ok, and Samual L. Jackson was in it, which is a reason to see it right there.  He is awesome and has my personal seal of approval.  The superman movie was good, and this movie was good.  The only thing that could have made this summer better was if Samual L. Jackson had actually PLAYED superman.  Then I’d be dead, because I’d explode from the awesomess that my soul couldn’t contain.

Dude, I swear, it was such a good movie.  Just freakin’ go see it.  It was exactly what it said it would be, and so much more.