Really, I just lack dicipline

Is it too much to ask to have the dicipline to be anorexic? I want to be able to fit into a Dell computer box, and I want to be able to wear bracelets around my bicepts. Maybe she’s on the crack diet. Every time you see her, she’s slurping on some coffee drink, and every time you see her, there’s a little less of her.

Apologyping

Ever get one of those apologies that pissed you off even more than the actual offence itself???

Kathryn on… explains the Apologyp.

HUGE pet peeve of mine, for years. My mom’s classic at it. Her apologies arn’t just a gyp, they somehow make you the badguy. James is pretty good at it too. And promise to hithro and henceforth work on being humble enough to give a real apology and not an apologyp.

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I’d go to more sporting events if this sort of thing happened regularly. I’d go on “Yoda uses the force to levetate the coin toss night” on Monday Night Football.

Ooooooh… you could have Boba Fett skate around during pre-game warmups before hockey games. He can randomly shoot players. That’d be roxorrr!!!111one one one one

And I’d go to any nascar race to hear Darth Vader say “gentleman, start your engines” then use the force to strange the life out of Darrel Waltrip before he can yell “boogidy boogidy boogidy!”

Or hows about the Cantina band can play the national anthem at the world series, then Rogue Squadron can do a flyover?? Come on. That’d be cool.

Episiotomy of the pool balls…

…and other misfortunes.

David started this whole thing with grandpap and got him all upset because he told grandpap that dad took the pool balls. Why? I don’t know. I mean, it’s not like we had the pool table to go with. And he told grandpap this like 3 times. He calls us, telling us we’d better put them back because the pool balls and the table have to go with the house.

He had grandpap on the phone, screaming at us. He says he went to the house and they wern’t on the pool table. Mom eventually told him that the only reason why she’d take the pool balls would be to throw them at David’s head.

So to keep grandpap from droping over with a heart attack from stress, mom buys new pool balls. And they were like $33. Expensive little suckers, ya? We go over there to put them on the pool table, and mom sticks her hand in the pocket and pulls out a little blue block of chalk. Suddenly, we hear sloosh, plop plop plop…

Yeah. The pool balls were in the table the whole time.

My selfish list of wants

• iPod–not the mini, not the shuffle, not the micro… a real iPod. The only thing that could make iPod better is if it had PDA capabilities as well. Then I’d be all set.
• desktop unit in my office with a nice monitor. With a plasma monitor even. Shit, this is a fantacy, I can have whatever I want.
• sofas that arn’t torn to shreads. Big squishy comfy ones. James had this friend Mark that had this really really comfortable couch. I couldn’t sit on it because every time I did, I’d fall asleep. I want that.
• someone else to clean my house
• time to write
• opportunities to sing
• big bathtub with water jets
• roller blades
• a pretty garden that’s both not plastic and impervious to my black thumb of death
• a swimming pool
• warm weather to useit in
• one of those big candles with four wicks.
• a car that gets really really good gas milage. or a teleporter.
• the ability to watch stuff on james’ computer up in the livingroom without massive hassle

Bad things suck.

The bad thing is being bad again. Like worse than I can even go into. There arn’t words for the badness. Bad bad bad, slit my wrists kind of bad because it doesn’t seem like the sun will ever shine again.

Other tidbits of joy:

• Why is it when you cry and cry and cry and cry, you get a headache afterwords? Punishment for weakness?
• I’m very sleepy.

May Bob the little green alien be with you…

Picture 019
Originally uploaded by battybeyond.

…Always.

Bob tired of the view from behind. He lives on the front hood now. He likes driving behind the cleaner cars and looking at the Kerry/Edwards stickers.

yeah.

Don’t feel bad, kid. I had a night like that in college once.

To check out the other crazy antics of little baby John, check out Johnlet.

Kids with websites dedicated to them end up with complexes

Names I like.

Don’t even mock me. Keep in mind these’re off of a hippy baby list

Aurora
Autumn Flowers
Burgundy Skye
China Rose
Cloud
Crystal Rain
Georiga Rain
Maryjane
Moon Beam
Moon Dance
Sage
Ocean Lilly
River Stone
Sara Aria
Sahara Sunshine
Violet Skye
Wolf Song

This made me a little teary-eyed.

The babies are expected to be well enough to go home by their original due date in December. Isn’t modern science cool?